Really Funny Jokes

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Adult jokes-Farmer Jones Posted: 15 Feb 2011 12:01 AM PST Farmer Jones lived with his tame bear in the remote country with only dirt access roads. His tame bear had been naughty that day so he put him in the barn and said "you stay here until you learn how to behave yourself". Shortly afterwards it began to rain. About an hour later a traveling salesman got stuck in the mud and asked the Farmer for a place to stay.The Farmer told him he didn't have room in the house, however he could stay in the barn.He told the salesman there were no lights in the barn and his tame bear was in the barn. The Farmer said the bear would not bother him. The salesman went to the barn. Later, another traveling salesman got stuck in the mud and the Farmer told him about the barn, no lights and the tame bear. Salesmen left for barn. One hour later a woman got stuck in the mud and approached the Farmer. He told her about the barn and mentioned the two traveling salesmen (he was so concerned about the salesmen he forgot to mention the bear). The woman said I can take care of myself and left for the barn. Two hours later the Farmer was awakened by heavy knocking at the door. When he opened the door ,the woman was standing there with her clothes torn and rumpled. The Farmer said : Good heavens what happened to you? The woman replied : I give up on human nature, the first guy gave me forty dollars,t he second guy gave me fifty dollars, but that cheap b*stard in the fur coat never even said thanks.

Funny jokes-Do it yourself Posted: 15 Feb 2011 12:01 AM PST 10 Step Guide For The Do-It-Yourself Handyman 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can...many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one...or consult a twelve year old. 6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

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