| Really funny jokes-The Old hotel Posted: 17 Mar 2011 12:02 AM PDT 
As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in Salisbury, England, that dated back to the 13th century. But when I arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news--my room was in the new section. Disappointed, I asked when the 'new' section had been built.
"In the 1600s," she replied apologetically.
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| Clean jokes-Even more excuses for skipping out of work Posted: 17 Mar 2011 12:01 AM PDT 
Even more excuses for skipping out of work
1. I have to renew my driver's license.
2. I have to get new license plates.
3. I have to stand in a long line for no good reason, while petty bureaucrats take inordinate amounts of time to work out the tiny problems that they detect in perfectly routine transactions. THEN I have to breeze by and renew my driver's license and get new license plates.
4. I've got an urgent session with my therapist.
5. I've got a really urgent session with my therapist.
6. I've … I … I'm not … I don't … I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS!!
7. I have to get my contact lenses fitted.
8. I have to get my hearing aid adjusted.
9. I have to get my big toe calibrated.
10. Hey, hey! The Monkees could be coming to our town.
11. My rheumatism is acting up. There's going to be a terrible tornado.
12. My arthritis is acting up. There's going to be a terrible blizzard.
13. The pharaoh is acting up. There's going to be a terrible rain of frogs.
14. I need to give blood.
15. I need to give evidence.
16. I need to give up.
17. I'm going to my best friend's engagement party.
18. I'm going to my best friend's wedding.
19. I'm going to my best friend's divorce. (We all knew it wouldn't last. At the wedding, everybody threw Minute Rice.)
20. I have a seriously overdue library book that I have to return.
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