Really Funny Jokes

Really funny jokes-Automated Screwing Machine

Posted: 11 Feb 2011 12:01 AM PST

I remember watching "You Bet Your Life". The female guest was from Buffalo. She was asked about her family. She said she had 17 children.

He asked her what her husband did for a living.

She said he operated an automated screwing machine.
Groucho just turned and looked at the camera, remaining silent. She had said explained enough.

Office jokes-How to stay awake in seminars

Posted: 11 Feb 2011 12:01 AM PST

How to stay awake in seminars...

Do you keep falling asleep in round-tables and seminars?
What about those long and boring conferences?

Here's a way to change all of that.

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns - five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* synergy

* strategic fit

* core competencies

* best practice

* bottom line

* revisit

* expeditious

* to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")

* 24/7

* out of the loop

* benchmark

* value-added

* proactive

* win-win

* think outside the box

* fast track

* result-driven

* empower (or empowerment)

* knowledge base

* at the end of the day

* touch base

* mindset

* client focus(ed)

* paradigm

* game plan

* leverage

Like this:

synergy
strategic fit
core competencies
best practice
bottom line

revisit
expeditious
to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
24/7
out of the loop

benchmark
value-added
proactive
win-win
think outside the box

fast track
result-driven
empower (or empowerment)
knowledge base
at the end of the day

touch base
mindset
client focus(ed)
paradigm
game plan

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSH*T!"

Testimonials from satisfied "Bullsh*t Bingo" players:

· "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam, Atlanta

· "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David, Florida

· "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan, New York City

· "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben, Denver

· "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSH*T!' for the third time in two hours." - Paul, Cleveland

Enjoy your seminars... But try it at your own risk.

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