| Short adult jokes | Out of town Posted: 23 Aug 2010 03:55 AM PDT 
A man takes a girl in his car and stops seven miles out of town, and says he wants to make love to her. She refuses, and walks back. The second night he takes her twelve miles out of town and tells her he really wants to make love to her. She still refuses and walks back. The third night he takes her thirty miles away and lo and behold, she gives in. Afterward, he asks her why she finally gave in. She shrugged and said I'll walk seven miles, even twelve miles, to save a friend of mine from a case of herpes but thirty miles NO WAY !!!!  |
| Adult jokes | $100,000 Quiz Posted: 23 Aug 2010 03:13 AM PDT 
Jane was a first time contestant on the $100,000 quiz show, where you have to answer questions to win the cash prize.Lady luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained substantial lead over her opponents.She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.Needless to say, Jane agreed to return the following day. Jane was nervous and fidgety as her husband drove them home."I've just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answers are. You know I'm not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.""Relax, honey," her husband, Roger, reassured her. "It will all be OK."Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door."Where are you going?" Jane asked."I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon" he replied.Jane waited impatiently for Roger's return. After an agonizing 3 hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin."Honey, I managed to get tomorrow's question and answer!""What is it?" she cried excitedly."OK. The question is: 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy?'""And the answer is 'The head, the heart, and the penis.'" Shortly after that, the couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling confident and at ease, plummeting into a deep and restful slumber.At 3:30 in the morning, however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question."The head, the heart, and the penis," Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep.Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel the butterflies conquering her stomach and nervousness running through her veins. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days events, faced Jane and asked the big question."Jane, for $100,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.""Hmm, uhm, the head?" she said nervously. "Very good. Six seconds.""Eh, uh, the heart?" "Very good! Four seconds.""I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…" "That's close enough," said the game show host, "CONGRATULATIONS!!!"  |
| Really funny jokes-Blood sample from finger Posted: 23 Aug 2010 12:02 AM PDT 
A guy walks into a clinic to have his blood type taken.
The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can't find one so she looks innocently at the guy, takes his finger and sucks it.
The guy is so pleased he asks; "Do you think I could have a urine test done?"  |
| Good jokes-Monastery of Silence Posted: 23 Aug 2010 12:01 AM PDT 
Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence.
The Priest said, 'Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until directed to do so. '
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, 'Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words.'
Sister Mary Katherine said, 'Hard bed.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' the Priest said, 'We will get you a better bed.'
After another 5 years, she was summoned by the Priest.
'You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine.'
'Cold food,' said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine in to his office. 'You may say two words today.'
'I quit,' said Sister Mary Katherine.
'It's probably best,' said the Priest, 'You've done nothing but whine since you got here.'
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