Really Funny Jokes

>> Thursday, May 13, 2010

Really Funny Jokes

Really funny jokes-Marooned for five years

Posted: 13 May 2010 04:27 AM PDT


An Italian, a Jew, and an Irishman are marooned on a desert island for five years. One day, while walking along the beach, one of them comes across an old bottle. He rubs it and out comes a genie, who is empowered to grant each of them their dearest wish:

"Ah," says the Italian, "let me go back to the Old Country, where the wine is sweet and the women are beautiful." BANG! He vanishes.

"For me," says the Jew, "I want to go to the Holy Land and live out the rest of my days with my people." BANG! He vanishes.

"Gee," says the Irishman, "it's so hard to choose what to ask for. I wish my two friends were back here to help me decide."

Animal jokes-Rabbit's Ph.D. Thesis

Posted: 13 May 2010 12:01 AM PDT


Scene : It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
Fox "What are you working on?"
Rabbit "My thesis."
Fox "Hmmm. What's it about?"
Rabbit "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes." (incredulous pause)
Fox "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
Rabbit "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf "What's that you're writing?"
Rabbit "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves." (loud guffaws)
Wolf "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit "No problem. Do you want to see why?"
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.

Scene : inside the rabbit's burrow. In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.

Moral: It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject. It doesn't matter what you use for data. What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.

Really good stuff - Types of farts

Posted: 12 May 2010 07:28 AM PDT


Plain one - One-second duration, nice resonant reverberation, and pungent odor cloud with a nearly instantaneous 5-foot radius. Your standard, everyday, friendly fart.

Eggy - Smells very much like rotten eggs (or hydrogen sulfide). A powerful odor which tends to put people off lunch. Often rips out in the fashion of a Bun buster (see below).

Ripper - Sends seismic ripples to the next town. Rips the seams in the crotch of your pants. This fart genuinely hurts, and you can still feel it 20 minutes later. Anyone sitting nearby may experience hearing loss.

Diesel - Sputters to a start, but then keeps putt-putting along spewing out an endless cloud of dirty, noxious fumes.
Surprise! You didn't even know that it was there, but suddenly . . . 'BRRMP!'

Gunshot - Sounds just like a gunshot. Unbelievably loud indoors. Hard to believe that this emanates from between your buttocks. Bullet explodes into billions of virulent odor molecules. Gunshot farts are relatively rare but, like guns, very dangerous.

Hydrated - The original wet fart, which leaves a mark on your pants and gives you a cold wet sticky sensation when you walk. Try to avoid this one if you're wearing white trousers.

Posted by madhu at 5:12 AM

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