Really Funny Jokes

>> Saturday, December 12, 2009

Really Funny Jokes

Hilarious jokes-English Council complaints

Posted: 12 Dec 2009 12:04 AM PST


Subject: Hilarious English-Council complaints

The British too, can be hilariously-notorious when it comes to English language.
Murdering English is not anyone's Monopoly.

English Council Complaints From Around their Country,UK
These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:
1 My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2 He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3 It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4 I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
5 I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
6 And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7 I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8 My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9 I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11.I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18.The man next door has as large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
20.I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21.Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction

Funny farm jokes-Pig misunderstanding

Posted: 12 Dec 2009 12:04 AM PST


Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

Really funny jokes-Car push

Posted: 12 Dec 2009 12:03 AM PST


A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push to his car.
'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!' He slams the door and returns to bed.
'Who was that?' asked his wife.
'Just some drunk asking for a push,' he answers.
'Did you help him?' she asks.
'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it's pouring rain out there!'
'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'
'Yes,' comes back the answer.
'Do you u still need a push?' calls out the husband.
'Yes, please!' came the reply from the dark.
'Where are you?' asks the husband.
'Over here on the swing,' replies the drunk.

Posted by madhu at 5:43 AM

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