Really Funny Jokes

Posted: 18 Nov 2009 12:04 AM PST

A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors house each month. Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.

A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay.

She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive.

He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed."

She said,"No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poisonous."

He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected them."

After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the
back porch and got Ole Spot's (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.

Ole' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town To come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class. After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and
the women started to gossip a bit.

About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died." With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will pump out everyone's stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."

It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter..

One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach.

After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and he left.

They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, "You know, that truck driver that ran over Ole Spot never even stopped.

Clean jokes-Wrong Kid

Posted: 18 Nov 2009 12:03 AM PST

TOP 10 SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG KID TO MOW YOUR LAWN
10. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag
9. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of 13 cats
8. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher
7. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head
6. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher
5. He's fascinated by the details of you home security system
4. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings
3. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus
2. Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks
1. No toes

Really Funny Jokes

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Really Funny Jokes

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