Fifty Fifty

Really funny jokes-Fifty Fifty A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at a fast food restaurant. He noticed that they ordered only one meal and an extra drinkcup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries. One for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set it in front of his wife. The old man began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh, no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50." The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth."

Adult jokes-Crisco A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, Crisco, Crissssssscoooo! Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3. The old guy replies, Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife. She's in here somewhere. The clerk is astonished. 'Your wife's name is Crisco?' The old guy answers, 'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public. I see, said the clerk. What do you call her at home? 'Lard ass.'

Teacher jokes -Student asleep An English professor was reading Canterbury Tales to his class and noticed that one of his students had fallen asleep. The professor was annoyed enough to send the book spinning through the air and bounce it off the sleeper's skull. Startled awake, the student asked what had hit him. "That, "said the professor, "was a flying Chaucer."